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SHOCKING
Pudgy guy named ROCCO almost beats Tiger Woods!
SNOOP DOGG releases country-music song titled My Medicine. Sipping on moonshine and juice?
KATHERINE HEIGL opts out of Emmy consideration, citing injury from dismounting high horse
ROSS PEROT launches website about the U.S. economy
GRAND THEFT AUTO IV fails to boost console sales. Carjackings doing just fine, though
LEONA HELMSLEY'S DOG to lose $10 million. Still richer than your dog
JOAN RIVERS kicked off British daytime talk show for swearing
MADONNA'S BROTHER writes unauthorized memoir. Because we know so few of her secrets
PREDICTABLE
NASA to unveil new space suits. Adult diapers do not come standard
THE VATICAN bans DA VINCI CODE prequel from filming in Rome churches
SOUL TRAIN to return to TV screens. Gentlemen, start your bell-bottoms
Shiny, happy objects! MICHAEL STIPE to exhibit bronze art in New York City
OPRAH gives Stanford commencement speech: "I like money."
CINDY MCCAIN rips off another recipe
KANYE WEST doesn't take Bonnaroo stage until 4:25 a.m., irking punctual hippies
MIKE HUCKABEE joins Fox News
TIGER WOODS beats pudgy guy named Rocco
SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE
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