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SHOCKING

VOGUE INDIA photo shoot puts pricey accessories on impoverished people. American Vogue still putting pricey accessories on malnourished people

Willy Wonka creator ROALD DAHL = WW II British sex spy

Status update: AARON SORKIN to write movie about FACEBOOK

STEPHENIE MEYER stops writing next Twilight book after draft is mysteriously leaked. We've got our eyes on you, J.K. Rowling

HELEN MIRREN admits she used to "love" cocaine. Kate Moss sad to lose the one thing they had in common

NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK release first album in 14 years

Bengals receiver CHAD JOHNSON legally changes last name to Ocho Cinco. Eli Manning still "Numero Dos"

Pope condemns sculpture of crucified FROG

PREDICTABLE

JENNIFER ANISTON to guest on 30 Rock as free-spirited stalker. Slide back into TV begins

Land Shark redux: MICHAEL PHELPS to host SNL

VAN HALEN offended by McCain's use of Right Now, though probably for reasons different from yours

THE DARK KNIGHT grosses $500 million. Katie Holmes sighs sadly

On MySpace blog, wise LINDSAY LOHAN says the Bristol Palin teen-pregnancy scandal is "distracting from the real issues"

Red Shoe Diaries star DAVID DUCHOVNY in rehab for sex addiction

Christian version of GUITAR HERO to debut. Rock me, sexy Jesus

Voters say Obama's FIRST DOG should be a ...

VLADIMIR PUTIN--still got it!

SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE