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SHOCKING

Quasi-reality-show star LAUREN CONRAD scores three-book deal for quasi fiction

MICHAEL DOUGLAS being considered for Steven Soderbergh's Liberace biopic

DAMIEN HIRST smashes art-auction records. Bidders unsure which wall would look best with a formaldehyde-preserved shark

SARAH SILVERMAN picks up Emmy for the song I'm $&*!^%# Matt Damon

BATMAN comic accidentally released full of profanity. Still got nothing on Silverman

Two thumbs down! New York Post critic wallops ROGER EBERT at filmfest

AMY POEHLER announces she's leaving SNL after the election

PREDICTABLE

TINA FEY dresses up as SARAH PALIN, who once dressed up as Tina Fey

ELLEN DEGENERES to be CoverGirl spokeswoman

J. LO too injured to appear as judge on Project Runway, O.K. to complete first triathlon

Opening of Stockholm ABBA museum delayed; JOHN MCCAIN cancels his vacation plans

SAMUEL L. JACKSON, Hollywood's highest-grossing actor; NICOLE KIDMAN, its most overpaid

KANYE WEST involved in 8 a.m. scuffle with paparazzi at LAX. Not a morning person, that Kanye

OMG! MTV's TRL RIP

The Dark Knight to be rereleased for OSCAR consideration in January. Cue backlash ... now

Guinness Book of World Records lists BRANGELINA as most powerful Hollywood couple. Rankings based on number of children

SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE