A Recession Etiquette Lesson With: Peggy Post

You might think the current economic crisis would put etiquette expert Peggy Post out of work. Who cares about niceties when millions of people are losing their job? But the recession has given rise to an epidemic of foot-in-mouth disease, with incidents ranging from the awkward to the deeply wounding. For example, how do you ask a co-worker if she survived the layoffs, or turn down a relative's request for a loan? "Being respectful and considerate is always important, especially in these trying times," says Post, the great-granddaughter-in-law of etiquette guru Emily Post. (Watch Peggy Post answer your etiquette questions.)

The author of more than a dozen etiquette books, Post says it's O.K. to be assertive about your financial troubles, at least in non-work situations. (The magic words: "That's out of my budget.") But if you think people are being stupid with their money, she notes, "I wouldn't recommend going around to your friends and family and saying, 'Hey, cut back.'"

Restaurant

Check Mate
If you're worried about splitting the bill, Post says it's fine for small parties to ask for separate checks at the outset.

Bottleneck
If a friend wants too pricey a wine, Post says, "Speak up!" But don't be explicit with a client. Just point to a different bottle.

Penny Lane
Good service stil deserves a 15%-to-20% tip. Too steep? Then pick a cheaper place. "Don't stiff the waitstaff," she says.

Work

Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Unless you're pals, don't ask a co-worker if he got laid off. Likewise, don't let on if you know he's about to get axed.

Survivor's Guilt
You get to stay; they don't. "Give them your full attention and let them know you're there for them," Post says.

Stay Cool
Whatever happens, don't bad-mouth your boss. "Take the high road," Post says. The low one could make job hunting harder.

Giving

Alms Qualms
If you can't afford as big a charitable or religious donation, "pledge what you're able," Post says, and vounteer your time.

Borrower's Tale
When asked for a loan, it's O.K. to say no. But if you say yes, it's fine to ask for a repayment agreement in writing.

Blushing Bride
Put out the word that you want money instead of gifts for your wedding, but never mention cash on the invitation.

How Do We Put This? See Peggy Post field more recession-related queries at time.com/etiquette