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SHOCKING
Good Friday becomes Great Friday after GIRLS GONE WILD commercials air during Vatican telecast
JAMIE FOXX'S suggestion that MILEY CYRUS make a sex tape is somehow less disturbing than his mockery of her gums
SIMON COWELL insinuates he may quit American Idol, leaving no one to prop up Paula
Super-duper-Catholic MEL GIBSON to get divorced
Superman artist JOE SHUSTER revealed to be one kinky dude
Michael Crichton's posthumous book is about PIRATES. Even in death, the man is frighteningly prescient
STEPHEN COLBERT gets space station ... treadmill named after him
GLENN BECK to take comedy show on road. You'll laugh till he cries
PREDICTABLE
BOBBY JINDAL to write book
Jane Austen zombie author to write ABE LINCOLN vampire novel. Plans to follow up with Helen Keller: Werewolf Hunter
LINDSAY LOHAN gets Marilyn Monroe--quote tattoo. Elton John prepares Candle in the Wind remix
The Hills star LAUREN CONRAD to guest on Family Guy
BILLY BOB THORNTON'S band denies concert cancellations are result of disastrously grumpy radio interview
KANYE WEST becomes last possible celebrity on earth to launch energy-drink line
KANYE WEST becomes last possible celebrity on earth to launch energy-drink line
BLAGO lobbies for NBC reality show even though his life is basically one already
And THIS, thankfully, comes to an end
SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE
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