GOOOOOOAL!After his record $68.6 million transfer from Juventus last summer, expectations were sky-high for Real Madrid midfielder Zinedine Zidane. He earned his keep with the winning goal in last week's European Champions League final. Can "Zizou" lead France to another World Cup win?
Noted
"It's not acceptable to just kill anybody who wanders into our firing area."
PATRICK FETTERMAN,
U.S. Army lieutenant colonel, on the frustrating limits endured by American troops searching for al-Qaeda forces still at large in Afghanistan
Prime Number
$500 billion is how much Japanese Finance Minister Masajuro Shiokawa mistakenly said Japan would give poor Asian countries. The real number was $50 million
Omen
Some of the computer chips in NASA's space shuttle technology are so outdated that the government agency has to shop for replacements on eBay and Yahoo
Winners
STEVEN SPIELBERG
Director fulfills dream, earns bachelor's degree—33 years late. Inspired, Mr. T vows to complete remedial woodwork class he flunked
RINGO STARR
Decidedly fourth Beatle signs new record deal, causing Jan Wenner to hurriedly crash Rolling Stone's new "RINGO RULES!" cover
JAN PETER BALKENENDE
Harry Potter lookalike voted likely next Dutch PM. He's the lovable, squeezable, bespectacled new face of hard-right European politics
Losers
GEORGE W. BUSH
President criticized for use of 9/11 photos in campaign fund raising. Hey, the "Bush Cowering in Air Force One Toilet" shot should be popular
PRINCESS METTE-MARIT
Norwegian cancels tour after nasty sunburn. What we shouldn't overlook is how hard this woman worked to get a sunburn in Scandinavia
JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT
Ex-eunuch dropped from Celebrity Boxing after assault arrest. Smart move, Bobbitt would totally besmirch the show's pristine reputation
Sins of the Sons
By BRYAN WALSH
They say the apple never falls far from the tree. or is it, there's a rotten apple in every barrel? Either way, there aren't enough clichés in the world to comfort South Korean President Kim Dae Jung, whose All My (Corrupt) Sons soap opera has the politician yearning for the do-nothing end of term to which a lame duck is entitled. Kim's youngest son, high-living L.A. resident Kim Hong Gul, faces charges that he took at least $1.2 million in bribes from local businessmen to facilitate deals. He apologized to his parents and the nation last week, before surrendering to Seoul prosecutors. Meanwhile, the President's second son, Kim Hong Up, is suspected of laundering some $792,000 through the Kim Dae Jung Peace Foundation. Even son No. 1, Kim Hong Il, has been the subject of influence-peddling scandals (he's never been charged). For a leader who promised to end Korea's culture of corruption, watching offspring turn the Blue House into an atm is debilitating. President Kim has offered five public apologies for his sons' antics and recently resigned from the ruling Millennium Democratic Party, which is praying the saga won't cloud December presidential elections. Koreans, though, are getting used to this. A son of former President Kim Young Sam was sentenced to two years in prison for corruption. Kim the elder can only look at his wayward scions and wonder where it all went wrong, while Koreans look at their former hero President Kim and wonder much the same thing.
Big Government
A recently secured copy of Beijing's Chao Yang District internal memo titled On More Effectively Handling Events Involving Interviews with Foreign Journalists reveals striking similarities to another, equally officious government document, the Singapore Social Development Unit's pro-procreation pamphlet The Chemistry Guide. Both provide useful road maps through potentially fraught situations:
PROPER CONVERSATIONAL ETIQUETTE:
The Chemistry Guide: "Avoid discourteous or sensitive topics such as income, personal investments, past relationships and sexual experience."
The Foreign Media Guide: Avoid "illegal interviews in sensitive areas and regarding sensitive matters, such as 'Falun Gong elements' and 'democracy campaigners.'"
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS:
The Chemistry Guide: "A date is very similar to a job interview. You have to sell yourself ... focus on your strengths."
The Foreign Media Guide: "During the interview ... actively uphold the dignity of the state, observe regulations regarding foreign affairs ... and strictly reserve secrets of the party and the state."
THE DAY AFTER:
The Chemistry Guide: "Send a personal 'e-note' ... Let your date know that you had a great time and that you enjoyed their company."
The Foreign Media Guide: "After the interview ... submit a written report to the District Foreign Affairs Office in a timely manner."
SAYING GOOD NIGHT:
The Chemistry Guide: "A nice gesture to conclude the date would be for the guy to simply offer to send the lady home."
The Foreign Media Guide: "If reporters refuse to leave, Public Security officers can use force to eject them."
OVER THE RAINBOW
Home at Last?
By BRYAN WALSH
After enduring an intercontinental custody struggle matching that of Elian Gonzalez, four-year-old Phanupong ("Got") Khaisri finally has parents he can call his own. Two years ago, the Thai toddler made headlines when it was discovered his junkie prostitute mother had rented him to smugglers for $250. The smugglers, who used Got as a human prop so they could pass through customs as a vacationing family, were busted in Los Angeles, and Got—abused and hiv-positive—was eventually placed with an American family. Got dodged immediate deportation when a U.S. judge refused to send him back, controversially calling deportation a "death sentence" because Thailand lacked the capacity to care for his hiv. His Thai grand-parents—one of whom had served 12 years in jail—battled to bring him back to Thailand. They've given up, and last week, thanks in part to the personal intervention of U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft, Got was approved for a U.S. "T" visa—designed specially for victims of human trafficking. That means Got will be able to remain in America and eventually become a permanent resident. Got will likely be adopted by his American caretakers, Evan Smyth and Janet Herold.
Milestones
By KATE DRAKE
REACHED THE SUMMIT. TAMAE WATANABE, 63, retired office worker; of Mount Everest. The Yokohama native is the oldest woman to scale the planet's highest peak. She broke the record set by a 50-year-old Polish woman two years ago. Watanabe has previously climbed Dhaulagiri I and Gasherbrum II, both of which are also in the Himalayas and each over 8,000 meters high.
DIED. DOUGLAS PIKE, 77, Vietnam aficionado who compiled over seven million pages of documents on the country, as well as penning eight novels and numerous articles on the Viet Cong; in Lubbock, Texas. Pike first went to Saigon in 1960 as a government information officer, and became an authority on the communists and America's involvement in the Vietnam War.
DIED. RAY STRICKLYN, 73, gay actor, author and publicist best remembered for his portrayal of Tennessee Williams in the one-man show Confessions of a Nightingale; in Los Angeles. When the show opened, Stricklyn was representing, among others, Bette Davis and Elizabeth Taylor for John Springer Associates. His 1958 performance as the son of Gary Cooper and Geraldine Fitzgerald in Ten North Fredrick earned him his first Golden Globe nomination.
DIED. LADISLAO KUBALA, 74, former Barcelona forward who was voted the club's greatest player ever; in Barcelona. Before coaching the Spanish national team for 68 games from 1969-1980, the Hungarian-born Kubala helped his club win four league titles and five Spanish Cups. He also played for Czechoslovakia and Hungary, and did brief coaching stints for the Saudi Arabian and Paraguayan national teams.
DIED. KHUNYING KANITTHA WICHIENCHAROEN, 82, gutsy lawyer and women's activist; in Bangkok. One of the first women in Thailand to receive a university education, Kanittha devoted her career to battling discrimination against women. Among her triumphs: establishing a shelter for abused women and children, and decriminalizing prostitution. After becoming a Buddhist nun, she tried in vain to raise the lowly status of nuns, and planned a college for them; it's now nearly completed.
DIED. RUTH CRACKNELL, 76, Australian actress best known for her role as Maggie Beare in abc's hit comedy series Mother and Son; in Sydney. Working in theater, television, film and radio for 56 years, Cracknell won numerous accolades, including the Silver Logie for most popular comedy personality and for most outstanding actress. In 1998 Cracknell was named a living treasure by Australia's National Trust.
DIED. JOSE LUTZENBERGER, 75, former secretary of the environment and leading voice of Brazil's Green movement; in Porto Alegre. His work put an end to the government's nuclear program and helped secure 93,240 sq km of Amazon rainforest as a sanctuary for the Yanomami Indians. In 1988 Lutzenberger was given the Right Livelihood Award, sometimes called the alternative Nobel.