Color-Blind Love

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elanie Clark, a white Wal-Mart employee who married Darryl, the black mechanic, in 1992, had previously been married to a white man who she says repeatedly hit her. After divorcing him, she explains, she was wary of hooking up with another hard-drinking, abusive "good ole boy." But Melanie, 38, was attracted to Darryl, 36, who showed a gentle interest in her, taking her dancing and teaching her how to hunt deer. Others were less pleased about their getting together. Some of their black neighbors in the rural community of Branchville, Ala.--particularly the women — were so angry about the marriage that they picketed the couple's home and openly insulted Melanie, calling her "white trash." Darryl, who admits to having had a temper back then, struck back when someone fired into their home in 1996, and a gunfight erupted. Melanie's son Adam, then 13, was wounded.

The family, including Melanie's four children and Darryl's daughter from a previous marriage, moved to more tolerant Birmingham soon after the shooting. But as stressful as that incident was, Melanie says it hurt even more when Darryl once asked her not to drive him to a job interview because he feared that his prospective boss, who was white, might object to his mixed marriage. As a result, she admits, she prefers that her 16-year-old daughter from her first marriage not date black boys.

Young people, however, having grown up with the racially inclusive ethos of hip-hop and who are comfortable meeting potential mates via the racially neutral Internet, are even more color-blind than their elders when it comes to matters of the heart. According to a recent nationwide poll in USA Today, 60% of U.S. teens have dated outside their race. Ali Zeidan, 22, a white Indiana native and computer major at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, and Melody Twilley, 19, a black prelaw student, are among them. The couple became engaged this past Valentine's Day after meeting on the Internet last year. When they started living together, Melody's dad, a businessman in mostly black Wilcox County, "got mad and made me pay my share of the rent," says Melody. But then he got to know Ali. Now Melody says that instead of looking at her fiance as "a white boy out to steal our women," her father welcomes him as a son-in-law-to-be with whom he can talk Democratic politics. He has also resumed subsidizing their rent.

Most marriages are, at one time or another, a struggle. There is little research to determine if interracial couples are more prone to divorce. But a University of Houston study this year found that these mixed unions are 30% more likely to have elevated levels of stress. A good way to avoid that, says Melanie, "is to make sure at the start you're getting married for the right, solid reasons"--and not, she adds, to make a social statement. Melody and Ali say they have considered the challenges they face and insist their marriage isn't just youthful idealism. "The bigger challenge for us is that I'm Catholic and he's Muslim," says Melody. "So we've thought this through."