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AN STYLE='font-size: 100%; color: #990000; font-weight: bold; '>Did Dave & Co. Dump on Chicago?
The DAVE MATTHEWS BAND'S eco-anthem Don't Drink the Water must seem like darn good advice to Chicagoans. Illinois is suing the socially conscious jam band and one of its drivers for allegedly discharging "80 to 100 gallons of liquid human waste" from its tour bus onto a boat full of sightseers on the Chicago River. According to the $70,000 suit, the driver violated state environmental laws and doused dozens of tourists, causing some to be hospitalized. "We feel awful for the people who were on the boat," says the band in a statement. "We have worked closely with Chicago law-enforcement officials and are continuing to work to get to the bottom of this." While you're at it, guys, find out who was responsible for the funky smell in the third row at the Toledo show.

Carville for Tykes
JAMES CARVILLE normally pays his bills by fighting with big kids — like Tucker Carlson. But with his new children's book, Lu and the Swamp Ghost, the Democratic strategist targets a younger demo. The tale is based on a story from his mother's childhood. "A tramp hung out on the bayou behind her house," says the Cajun pundit. "She befriended this guy, and would give him foodstuffs. It's a story about the difference between riches and [monetary] wealth." We're pretty sure even Carlson couldn't argue with that.

Bad Guys, Beware, As Crime-Fighting Broods Take Over Fall TV

Nothing says quality family time like kicking in a fugitive's door together. Two new reality shows follow the tough and tender moments of two clans of bounty hunters. We stake out the competition:

DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER, A&E, debuts Aug. 31; set in Honolulu

CHEST-THUMPING PATRIARCH: Reformed criminal Duane (Dog) Chapman

TV-FAMILY ANCESTRY: The praying Waltons

ACCESSORIES OF CHOICE: Handcuff earrings, Mace, a mullet

THEME BY: Ozzy Osbourne

BRAINS OF THE HOUSE: Plump, blond wife Beth

FAMILY BONDS, HBO, debuts Sept. 19; set in Queens, N.Y.

CHEST-THUMPING PATRIARCH: Reformed insurance salesman Tom Evangelista

TV-FAMILY ANCESTRY: The bickering Bunkers

ACCESSORIES OF CHOICE: Nipple rings, cigarettes, a Harley

Theme By: Ac/Dc
BRAINS OF THE HOUSE: Plump, blond wife Flo