I'll Take Ken Jennings' World for $400
SEPTEMBER. Ken begins season as reigning champ; ratings are impressive. Passes $2 million mark after three weeks. Dazzles viewers by running the column in categories as varied as Pi High and Get a Life. Appears on the covers of TIME, PEOPLE, FORTUNE, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY and SPORTS ILLUSTRATED in same week. Ratings climb.
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OCTOBER. Ken passes $3 million. Wins largest Daily Double bet in history ($44,000) by identifying Paul as the cute Beatle. Is invited to toss out the first ball of the World Series. Mattel launches a Smart Talking Ken doll that knows the answer to more than 1,500 questions. Ratings soar.
NOVEMBER. Ken's take exceeds $4 million. He gets enough write-in votes in Florida to throw the presidential election into the House of Representatives. Ken declines bipartisan appeal to serve, arguing he has no authority, citing Esoteric Constitutional Provisions for $1,600. Ratings continue to climb.
DECEMBER. Ken earns his fifth million. A rival brings War and Peace and reads during show, saying he's tired of wasting time. Millions throughout the world ring in 2005 watching Ken's face, which has replaced the ball that drops from the top of the tower of 1 Times Square. Ratings rise.
JANUARY. Ken wins sixth million. Begins to show signs of boredom. Plays a game standing on his head; another blindfolded; another in which he phrases his responses in iambic pentameter; another in which he refuses to give any answers that contain the letter e. Loses $16,000 when Final Jeopardy! answer (in the category Long Words Having to Do with Money) turns out to be eleemosynary; still wins. Ratings increase.
FEBRUARY. Ken earns seventh million. Wins game during which he manipulates the buzzer only with his toes. ("That was hard," he allows.) Hallmark scores a major success with its line of Be My ValKentine cards. The New York Post reports that Ken has begun seeing Paris Hilton. Ratings continue to climb.
MARCH. Ken wins eighth million. Production on The Simple Life 3 abruptly canceled when Paris Hilton storms off the set, saying, "My boyfriend says this is stupid and we look stupid and the network wants us to look stupid and everyone who watches us is stupid." Headlines in the National Enquirer report that Ken and his posse were asked to leave the UCLA library after refusing to shush. Becomes butt of criticism when he starts trash talking rivals. "Who cares?," Ken comments. "Right now I'm bigger than Alex." Ratings plateau.
APRIL. "I don't mind," Alex Trebek tells E! "Ken and I are good friends." Ken's margins of victory narrow. Barely holds his own against two Caltech mathematicians, but his elegant proof of Von Stumpfnagel's theorem gives him a thrilling come-from-behind victory when both profs neglect to carry the 2. Page Six reports that Nicole Richie agreed to a quickie marriage with Charlie Rose in an effort to get Paris to come back to the show. Ratings ebb.
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