Miscellany, Feb. 9, 1931

Aunt

In Syosset, L. I., Robert Ruvinstein, 14, put on motor goggles and cap, stole an automobile. He had difficulty starting it, asked passersby for a push. He rode until tired, then slept. Apprehended, he explained that he had an aunt two years younger than himself who got all the attention in the family, that he wanted some excitement.

Pearl

In Bridgeton, N. J., Farmer William Mattox dropped his wallet in his stable. Pearl, a cow, chewed it up. The wallet contained $420. Farmer Mattox had Pearl opened, recovered $70. Pearl alive was worth $85; Pearl dead was worth $30. Net loss: $405.

Royal

In White Plains, N. Y., David Cornell was playing penny ante poker, filled an inside royal flush (perfect poker hand: ace, king, queen, jack, ten of the same suit). His hand trembled, his opponents dropped out, he won 37¢. Unnerved, he went home, was stricken with acute indigestion. Doctor's bill: $10.

Whoopee

In The Bronx, N. Y., Rose McMahon, 14, was given 25¢, told that she might go to a cinema. Overjoyed, she danced about, shrilled "Whoopee!" Her somnolent father, Thomas McMahon, bade her be still. Again she crowed. Savage, wrathful, Thomas McMahon sprang up, tripped, fell headlong into a china closet, cut his throat, fractured his skull, died.

Collateral

In Thomasville, Ga., an aged Negress applied at a bank for a $5 loan, was told that she must get an endorser or put up collateral. She went home, brought back a $10 goldpiece. The bank took her collateral, arranged the loan.

Shark

In Watson's Bay, Australia, one Charles Messenger caught a shark, slit its belly, found a lady's hand bag containing a wrist watch. Inscription on the wrist watch: "Yours till death. Bill."

Cinema In Georovesti, Rumania, a cinema theatre was opened for the first time. Gaping peasants watched the screen, saw a locomotive hurtle towards them. Terrified, they stampeded, wrecked the building.

Parrot In Manhattan, Frank Yitkos, longshoreman, called police to his home, pointed to Mrs. Frances Yitkos on the bed, her head bashed in, her body lacerated. Said he: "I think my wife is dead." Under the bed was a bloody hatchet. His theory: that two men had attacked her while he was out. In the next room a parrot squawked: "Don't, papa, don't!" Frank Yitkos confessed to the murder.