WISCONSIN: Colonel Business

The sport of Governors—appointing honorary colonels to their staffs for kudos (but no pay)—was carried to a peak of absurdity by Kentucky's Ruby Laffoon (1931-35), who appointed 11,352 colonels. Currently Wisconsin's new Julius ("The Just") Heil leads all contenders with 57 new colonels, most of them affluent, full-blooded men like himself, many of them his cronies at the board and bar of the Milwaukee Athletic Club. Last week State Senator Phil Nelson, a puckish Progressive, gave public cognizance to the Heil colonels by offering a resolution (promptly pigeonholed) which would empower Governor Heil to appoint 5,000 colonels provided that:

> No more than 10% weigh more than 200 Ib. net.

> No more than 2,000 be residents of Milwaukee.

> No more than 1,000 be members of the same club.

> In case of war, each colonel contribute all his assets in excess of $5,000 to the State for defense and serve at a salary of $1 a year.

> Colonels weighing more than 200 Ib. furnish their own uniforms and be mounted, if at all, on white Percherons.

> Rations for all colonels not to exceed one pony of beer, one quart of whiskey, 15 Ib. of food per day.