Music: Spike Jones, Primitive

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In Spike's rendition of the Ink Spots' hit, You Always Hurt the One You Love, the "beloved" is shot, hung and poisoned. His Blue Danube is Wayne King schmalz — plus four strategically placed belches. On the Jones agenda are a poke at Polonaise, called Chopin's Mayonnaise; a lampoon of Xavier Cugat called Benzedrine Beguine, and a new version of Carmen. Spike is eager to try his most ambitious experiment: a section of cellos playing under water. He hasn't yet figured how.

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