Mighty Mouse. In Dixon, Ill., Cook William Young was fined $10 on an intoxication charge after he mistook a neon sign over the police station for the name of a bar, walked in, slapped his hand on the counter, piped to the desk sergeant: "Gimme a shot."

Cry Havoc. In Wallsend, Australia, Hilton Clifford, 42, fell into a beery sleep during a cops-and-robbers movie, woke up when the villain was bludgeoning the heroine, ran through the town yelling for help, tore up a wooden station house gate to attract police to the scene, was fined £1 ($2.24), ordered to pay £10 damages.

New Broom. In Strasbourg, France, after the street cleaners union demanded that Deputy Mayor Joseph Zell, 63, apologize or make good his boast that he could sweep the marketplace faster than the regulars, the Mayor grabbed a twig broom, cleared one-third of the area in a fraction of the time it normally took the usual five-man team.

First Love. In Milwaukee, Stanley R. Johnson, 22, was arrested after he called at his girl's home, found no one in, decided to forget about his date, made off with the family TV set, electric roaster, clothing, jewelry and $30 cash.

Caveat Emptor. In Lubbock, Texas, Detectives Jack Hunnicutt and Claude Keaton spotted a man selling suspicious-looking bottles for $1 each to street-corner passersby, followed him to his cache, discovered an additional 30 bottles, gave up the investigation when they proved to contain 100% tap water.

Gourmet. In Hardwick, Vt., where he was arrested and fined $18.50 for assault, Lorenzo Brochu, 42, admitted he entered a local diner, spotted Joseph Bellavance, plucked him out of his chair, flung him into the street while roaring: "I wouldn't eat in the same place with that man."

Confidence Man. In El Paso, charged with federal check fraud, George Lewis Branzell helpfully suggested that U.S. Commissioner Henry Clifton hold up arraignment until all the bum checks he passed had bounced.

Test Pilot. In Cincinnati, after he was hauled into traffic court for speeding, fined $5 by Judge Frank M. Gusweiler, 73-year-old Clifford Hotchkiss explained: "My brakes were bad, and I was only trying them out."

The Deep Sleep. In Baltimore, Charles Brogdon, 57, was arrested for drunkenness after he went to sleep on a garbage heap, was covered with layers of crab shells and cabbage leaves, picked up by a mechanical scooper, dropped into a garbage truck, carted to the city dump, where, at long last, he woke up.