Education: A Drim Kum Tru

If he had not tried to rush it, George Bernard Shaw might have succeeded in giving the English-speaking peoples a phonetic alphabet. Says the Smithsonian Torch, a slim house organ put out by the Smithsonian Institution for the museum set: "We are in complete accord with Bernard Shaw's campaign for a simplified alphabet. But instead of immediate drastic legislation, we advocate a modified plan.

"In 1957, for example, we would urge the substituting of 'S' for soft 'C'. Sertainly students in all sites of the land would be reseptive to this.

"In 1958, the hard 'C' would be replased by 'K' sinse both letters are pronounsed identikally. Not only would this klarify the konfusion in the minds of spellers, but typewriters and linotypes kould all be built with one less letter and all the manpower and materials previously devoted to making the 'C's' kould be used to raise the national standard of living.

"In the subsequent blaze of publisity, it would be announsed that the troublesome 'PH' would henseforth be written 'F'. This would make words like 'fonograf 20 persent shorter in print.

"By 1959, publik interest in a fonetik alfabet kan be expekted to have reatshed a point where more radikal prosedures are indikated. We would urge at that time the elimination of al double leters whitsh have always ben a nuisanse and desided deterent to akurate speling.

"We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'E's' in our language is disgrasful. Therfor, in 1961, we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ merily along as though we wer in an atomik ag of eduka-tion. Sins by this tim it would be four years sins anywun had used the leter 'C', we would then sugest substituting 'C for TH'.

"Kontinuing cis proses year after year, we would eventual! hav a reali sensibl writen languag. By 1975, wi ventyur tu sa cer wud bi no mor uv ces teribli trublsum difikultis. Even Mr. Shaw, wi beliv, wud bi hapi in ce noleg cat his drims finali kam tru."