Science: Ergo, Sum Machine

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Something about the omniscience of electric computers makes people nervous. Something about nervousness makes people laugh. Samples in a new wave of computer jokes:

¶ Stepping up to a computer display in Grand Central Station, an Indian in full regalia asks: "Who am I? What do I weigh? Where am I going?" The computer instantly replies : "You're an Indian. You weigh 173 pounds. You're going to Pueblo, Colorado." The Indian rips off his headdress, borrows a Brooks Bros. overcoat from a commuter, feeds in the same question again. Answer: "You're still an Indian. You still weigh 173 pounds, and you just missed your train."

¶ Standing before a computer that seems to be growing a face, two bemused scientists (in a recent Punch cartoon) pull a tape message from the machine's mouth. Nervously, one man reads the message: "Cogito ergo sum.''

¶ Boasting that his machine can do anything, a designer tells a skeptical friend to ask any question: "Where is my father at this very instant?" the friend asks. Out pops the answer: "Your father is fishing in Nova Scotia." The friend delightedly disagrees: "My father, Robert Brewster III, is in San Francisco at this very instant. I just talked to him on the phone." Retorts the machine: "Robert Brewster III is in San Francisco. Your father is fishing in Nova Scotia."

¶ Annoyed at the independence of the machine he is supposed to control, a computer attendant mutters: "All right, if you're so damned smart, tell me: Is there a God?" Booms the machine: "There is now."