GREAT BRITAIN: Always the Bridesmaid

London's impertinent music halls lampoon Joe McCarthy, Noel Coward or anybody else (except royalty) who crosses the news. But last week a songwriter got too saucy with Anthony Eden and ran afoul of the Lord Chamberlain, who has power to grant or refuse theatrical licenses without explanation. Three days before the opening of an obscure new revue called Light Fantastic, the Lord Chamberlain ordered the offending song lyrics dropped. The net result: London's tabloid Daily Mirror, which needs no by-your-leave from the Lord Chamberlain or anyone else, printed the ditty:

My profile once caused a feminine flutter And then, even better than that, I was named by the "Tailor and Cutter" And they borrowed my name for a hat.

But I'm a sort of permanent fixture No power and not much glory. America's favourite whipping boy, Just an ordinary Front Page Tory.

The Old Man's a genius—none would dispute— Though at times he's a bit of a tartar. . . As an orator,author, he's second to none,

Painter—and builder—brilliant as any, But I feel I could lay bricks almost as well, And perhaps without dropping so many.

But here I am stuck in the same old rut Going my usual way A traveling life And you can't take the wife And not even a rise in pay.

Thirty odd years of frustrated desire Waiting for senior men to retire. Assistant, adviser, consultant and guide. Always the bridesmaid—Never the Bride!