Which One Is the Phoanie?

Joanie Phoanie is a sight. She has a roller coaster of a nose, unraveled hair, and sandal straps that look as if they're devouring her legs. She douses herself with deodorant, wolfs down caviar in front of famished children. She sings of brotherhood to incite student riots.

When one song triggers only three uprisings, she composes another she is sure will be a blockbuster: "A Molotov cocktail or two/ Will blow up the boys in blue." Could it be Joan Baez?

Joan Baez thinks so. In fact, she's so sure Al Capp's cartoon character is a take-off on her that she has demanded an apology and the immediate execution of the comic strip abomination. "Either out of ignorance or malice," she wailed, "he has made being for peace equal to being for Communism, the Viet Cong and narcotics." Just as captiously, the cartoonist growled that Joanie wasn't Joan. "She should remember that protest singers don't own protest. When she protests about others' rights to protest, she is killing the whole racket."

She also protested all the talk in the strip about the amount of money a folk singer earns. "Capp must be jealous," she sniffed. He may have reason. Now on a tour of Japan, Protester Joan is making $8,500 per appearance.