Cinema: Unhappy Hunting Grounds

To the Apache, Shalalco means Bringer of Rain. In movie parlance it merely means Stupefier of Audience. In this wildly improbable western, Bringer of Rain (Sean Connery) is a rugged cavalry scout dispatched to the unhappy hunting grounds of the Apaches. There, he discovers a troupe of junketing European aristocrats, including Brigitte Bardot, Jack Hawkins and Honor Blackman, sipping drinks with pinkies extended, trading salon witticisms and plugging mountain lions from close range. Classic examples of the unspeakable pursuing the uneatable, the hunters blithely pooh-pooh Connery's warning that the Injuns are on a scalptingling expedition. Miffed, Shalako sulks off to wait for the redskins to do their worst to the unwary tourists.

The havoc caused by the Apaches is nothing compared with what the producers have done to Shalako. The film was not made in the wild West but in southern Spain, and the scenery looks like mañana country. Sean Connery's Lowland Scottish accent continually leaks through his ersatz American drawl. Brigitte Bardot tries to redeem the movie by going topless—coyly and briefly—but her mascara-scorched eyes and flaccid acting make her seem as if she had gone sleepless since her last picture. The dubbed voice of that fine character actor. Jack Hawkins, limited to esophageal speaking since his operation for throat cancer two years ago, is thin, out-of-sync and does not remotely resemble his distinctive rasp. Even Chato, the Indian chief, is misplayed. The part was given to Woody Strode, a Negro ex-football star for the Los Angeles Rams. He speaks, and looks, like a redskin in blackface.