AUSTRALIA: Ambassador to Nowhere

With the Republic of Ireland, if it isn't one thing, it's bound to be another. For two years the Irish of Eire were miffed because Australia's government was represented in Dublin by a mere charge d'affaires, while Eire had a full-fledged ambassador in Canberra. Last April Australia (20% of whose population is of Irish descent) did its best to make amends, appointed a mystery writer named Dominic Paul McGuire as Ambassador to Eire. He got as far as London, but no farther. Miffed all over again, the Irish had turned McGuire down cold. Why? Well, as the

Irish see it, Eire is the Gaelic name for Ireland, and while the Irish like to talk Gaelic among themselves, they don't like foreigners talking it. When a foreigner says "Eire" instead of "Ireland," he seems to be talking about the Republic of Ireland alone and deliberately excluding Northern Ireland, which does not mind talking English. The Republic of Ireland, on the other hand, prefers to ignore the fact that it is not also the government of Northern Ireland. Make McGuire "Ambassador to Ireland," said Dublin to Canberra, and all would be well.

No, sir, replied Canberra, because that might imply Australian recognition of Eire's claim to Northern Ireland, and with the Queen herself due for a visit to Canberra, that would never do. How, suggested the Australian government, about "Ambassador to the Republic of Ireland," or even "Ambassador to President Sean T. O'Ceallaigh," just as the British themselves do it, spelling O'Kelly in the Gaelic way? No, said Dublin firmly, it would have to be "Ireland" or nothing.

Last week, after nine months of diplomatic haggling, Australia abandoned all attempts to send an ambassador to Dublin. It did seem a shame, admitted one Irishman, with the man's name McGuire and all.