COMMUNISTS: Secret Laughter

Latest—or latest versions—of the jokes being told over the cafe'tables or whispered across the work benches of Communist Europe, as gleaned by Radio Free Europe:

¶In Rumania, where the party has had great difficulty in recruiting new members, they smilingly recite this set of enlistment bonuses: those who succeed in recruiting one new member will be excused from attending party meetings; those who recruit two new members will be permitted to resign frohi the party; those who recruit three new members will get a certificate stating they never belonged to the party at all.

¶In Budapest, a man asked a party propagandist the difference between a capitalist and a Communist. "That's easy," said the comrade. "The capitalist loves money above all else, while the Communist values the human being." "I see," said the student. "That's why capitalists lock up their money, while the Communists lock up people."

¶An inspector in the Soviet Union stopped before a dilapidated building. "This place looks as if it had never been repaired," he told the caretaker. "That's right," said the caretaker. "It's just been built."

¶During a propaganda meeting in Hungary, one listener kept shaking his head during the speaker's explanation of Communist successes in supplying more goods at lower prices. "Why are you shaking your head like that?"demanded the speaker. "Well," said the listener, "I was around to all the markets today and goods were scarcer and prices higher than ever." "That is a serious error, Comrade," said the speaker. "You should try to go to the market less and read the newspaper more." ¶I In Bulgaria, they quip that the Communists have raised the standard of living so high the country can't reach it.

¶In Hungary, a reheated version of an old chestnut: In a Hungarian prison, three convicts were discussing the reasons for their arrests. "I was arrested for opposing the policies of Imre Nagy," said the first. "I was arrested for supporting his policies," said the second. Both turned to the most recent arrival. "I'm Imre Nagy," he said.

¶A Hungarian trade-union newspaper complained recently that a Stakhanovite movie operator, seeking to overfulfill his norm, ran through a two-hour feature in 70 minutes.

¶In East Germany, they tell of a Soviet inspecting team visiting an East German factory. The manager proudly declared production had gone up'from 20,000 units in 1950 to more than 200,000 last year, "and we expect to continue the increase in the years to come." "That's fine," said the inspectors. "What do you produce?" Answered the manager: "Metal plates that say, 'Elevator out of order.' "

¶In the wake of Georgy Malenkov's descent from Premier of Russia to boss of power stations: The lights go out during a top-level conference in Moscow, One Soviet-official turns to another and complains: "That damned idiot knows even less about electric power than about running the country!"