Elephants by the Trunk

On the heels of the Tom Swifties, here come the elephants.

The epitome of the non-sequitur gag, the elephant joke is the shaggy dog sto ry's direct descendant. Secretaries giggle over them, teen-agers torture their parents with them, scientists — laughing — regard them as an escape from an overlogical and overmechanical world.

Everyone has a trunkful of his own.

Among the woollier samples: Q. How do you make an elephant float? A. With two scoops of ice cream, an elephant and some root beer.

Q. How do you lift an elephant? A. Put him on an acorn and let it grow.

Q. How can you tell there's an elephant in your bathtub? A. You can smell the peanuts on his breath.

Q. How do you prevent an elephant from charging? A. You take away his credit card.

Some are best told in a jungular vein and in a series that gradually weakens the victim: Q. Why are elephants gray? A. So you can tell them from blueberries.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? A. "Here come the elephants."

Q. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming? A. "Here come the blueberries," because she is color blind.

Q. Why do elephants wear sneakers? A. To creep up on mice.

Q. Why do elephants wear green sneakers? A. To hide in the tall grass.

Q. Why do elephants wear red sneakers? A. Because their green ones are in the laundry.

The remaining Q. is: What happens to old elephant jokes? A. They fall flat.