The Lollipop Budget

Britons gobble more candy per capita (8 oz. weekly) than any other people in the world. As a result, they also have more toothaches than most—which has no apparent effect on candy consumption but causes a perpetual headache in the higher echelons of government, since the great majority of Britain's population gets its teeth fixed for nominal fees by the National Health Service. Though it collects taxes on every other luxury from dancing to death, the government has never levied a tax on sweets, as the British call their favorite vice.

Last week Chancellor of the Exchequer Selwyn Lloyd, a man never hitherto famed for political audacity, slapped a 15% tax on candy, ice cream and soda pop. Britons, shocked to their cavities by what many soon called "the Lollipop Budget," protested that it was a "tax on children," though craving for candy knows no age limits. The government will collect $140 million a year from the sweet-tooth tax —which makes it a classic bit of budget balancing, since the government now pays exactly $140 million yearly to dentists to repair the damage.