Books: Lowest Uncommon Delineator

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THE McLANDRESS DIMENSION by Mark Epernay. 126 pages. Houghfon Mifflin. $3.75.

The big third-dimension departure on the sociometric circuit this winter is going to be the Inverse Insecurity Factor and its effect, if any, on the potato syllogism. For this undoubted fillip to martini talk, Americans will owe a limited debt of gratitude to the pseudonymous Mark Epernay, of Bogota, N.J., whose straightforward guide to the heady behavioral theories of Dr. Herschel McLandress seems destined to give the Bostonian psychometricist the popular acceptance accorded Kinsey and Havelock Ellis.

McLandress' unique contribution to science is the McLandress Coefficient, or McL-C (pronounced Mack-el-see), as it is known in professional circles. In plain language, a McL-C represents the average span of time for which an individual's thoughts remain centered on any subject other than himself. It is reached, according to its inventor, by "various depth perception techniques," including the frequency with which the subject invokes the first person singular in the course of an interview, a book, a speech or an article.

Long Thoughts. Predictably, people prominent in politics and show business tend to have the lowest coefficients, indicating "a close and diligent concern by the individual for matters pertaining to his own personality." Richard Nixon, Dr. McLandress finds, has a McL-C of three seconds, probably the lowest in U.S. politics. No member of the U.S. Senate has a rating of more than 15 minutes, with the exception of Everett Dirksen, whose coefficient of three hours and 25 minutes Dr. McLandress attributes to his "almost unique inability to divert his thoughts from the public interest." Lowest ratings in the Senate are held by Oregon Democrat Wayne Morse and New York Republican Jacob Javits, who both score four minutes.

Liberals generally rate fairly low: Pundit Norman Cousins has a three-minute McL-C, Dean Acheson a coefficient of ten minutes, but McLandress gives President Kennedy a rating of 29 minutes. Elizabeth Taylor, Nikita Khrushchev and David Susskind all have the same coefficient: three minutes.

On the theory that social position should be subject to simple mathematical determination, McLandress has also devised a "multidimensional" formula that establishes a man's status in the American "sociometric peerage" on the basis of his calling, professional standing and prestigious activities, such as philanthropy (membership in the Kiwanis counts for little). Obviously, one way to ascend in the sociometric peerage is to establish a reputation as an authority on world affairs, and the "McLandress Solution," as he calls it, was devised to meet this need. Its secret, long treasured by professional pundits, is the "third-dimension departure," by which the McLandress client is trained in the art of ducking controversial solutions to any problem while emphasizing "responsible," if utterly impractical, long-term goals.