Cinema: Noncompoops

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Soldier in the Rain. "I rate women," says Sergeant Steve McQueen, "the way schoolteachers mark tests. A, B, C, D, E, F—and Incomplete." On the McQueen Scale, Heroine Tuesday Weld is regretfully rated Incomplete. She has everything a girl could possibly have—except a brain. Sergeant McQueen is generously inclined to overlook the omission, but Sergeant Jackie Gleason is definitely not. "She's an imbecile!" he snorts. "You're a jelly belly!" she screeches. "And what's more I want you to know I'm a senior in high school!" Jackie sighs deeply: "And what did you learn in school today, my dear?" Tuesday replies proudly: "Donna Mae Parker's gonna have a baby."

Jackie turns to stare. Stupidity like this, he realizes, is really genius in reverse. Attention like this, she thinks, is very flattering. She decides he really isn't a jelly belly. "You're a fat Randolph Scott," she murmurs sensuously. "Ya wanna come over to my house, huh? Granmaw won't wake up."

So begins a fairly hilarious romance between the middle-aged sergeant and the teen-aged twerp. Unfortunately, the romance only lasts about 20 minutes, and the rest of the picture isn't anywhere near as funny. In trying to go offbeat, Director Ralph Nelson has managed mostly to go offkey. But Gleason will amuse anybody who can still be amused by barracks humor.