Programming: From Beautiful Downtown Nowhere

Weird electronic music. A psychedelic title card. And then, the opening scene of ABC's new "second season" show, Turn-On. Two computer operators, one white and one black, sit with their backs to the camera facing a madly flashing IBM 360, or something. Says black to white, "I've never programmed a program before." He must be the only second-season TV man in Hollywood who hasn't. By last week, eight midseason replacement shows had made their debuts, and they all looked like print-outs from a stuck computer.

Turn-On itself, produced by the originators of Laugh-In, looked like a half-hour reject from the Rowan and Martin memory bank. The host was neither Dan nor Dick but a computer, for the show was supposed to be "a satire on our dehumanized society." It was also intended as a "sensory assault," careening along, sometimes with the screen split four ways, reaching for a dizzying 300 laughs in a half hour. To add to the disorientation, the set was a white plaster cyclorama and the cast wore invisible white booties. It all seemed to come from beautiful downtown nowhere. So did the gags, leaning largely on contraception and homosexuality. In response to critics' and affiliates' protest, the network cancelled this week's episode and called a weekend meeting "to determine the future of Turn-On."

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MARTHA STEWART, when asked about the insider-trading scandal that, by her estimates, cost her company more than a billion dollars

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