Cinema: Time for Medicare

Big "Cat" Catlan's game is off. He was once the Number One quarterback in the league, but he's getting old. His younger teammates on the New Orleans Saints ride him, and his wife, a fashion designer (Jessica Walter), goes into a deep freeze whenever he comes near. As he hobbles off the field, fans bellow such pleasantries as "Yaah, why don'cha apply for Medicare?" He is even driven into an affair with another woman (Diana Muldaur), which is consummated in front of a fireplace and photographed with a lot of lingering dissolves as superimposed flames of passion presumably play over the lovers' discreetly naked bodies.

In a vain attempt to make a movie out of all this, Director Tom Gries inserts dozens of pauses between the clichés, some seemingly as long as a half time ceremony. Charlton Heston brings his usual Pleistocene presence to the part of Cat, presumably granted him because his rain-barrel chest wouldn't look scrawny in the locker-room scenes, but everyone else stands around looking sort of embarrassed. The last tackle comes as a welcome relief, as Heston and the film fall one final time to the gridiron with a resounding thud.