Miscellany, Jan. 12, 1931

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Cook

In Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Isaac J. Smith divorced his wife, soon after hired her as cook & housekeeper.

Snowballs

In Hartford, Conn., John Halotek, 17, and Joseph Fedzyna, 17, committed some 50 petty pilferies. Dogged by police, they stuffed several hundred dollars worth of jewels in two snowballs, tossed them in the icy Park River.

Bird

In Lancaster, Pa., Mrs. Aline Hall, 22, wanted her husband to give her a fur coat. Her mother-in-law wanted a canary. The mother-in-law got a fur coat; Mrs. Aline Hall got the bird. Mrs. Aline Hall took poison, was dangerously ill.

Double Duce

Mussolini of Manhattan is Frank Valentino, a gentle, industrious barber discovered last fortnight in an Amsterdam Avenue barber-shop by Louis Sherwin of the New York evening Post. So strongly does Barber Valentino feel about his resemblance to Il Duce that, should the occasion arise, he would become the Duce of barbery, form a new party (the White Shirt Barbers of America), transform the United States into the Great White Empire. Officers he would name are: President, Herbert Hoover ("on condition that he would always agree with me"); Mayor James John Walker, General Secretary of the White Army; Will Rogers, Master of Ceremonies in the Imperial White Palace. Barbers would become dukes of the realm.

Babe Ruth. James Joseph Tunney, Henry Ford, Thomas Alva Edison, Charles Augustus Lindbergh, Charles Spencer Chaplin would be named princes.