Cinema: Time to Retire

A Countess from Hong Kong is probably the best movie ever made by a 77-year-old man. Unhappily, it is the worst ever made by Charlie Chaplin.

A substandard shipboard farce that Chaplin wrote, directed and briefly appears in, Countess presents Marlon Brando as a U.S. diplomat with a fortune in oil, and Sophia Loren as a White Russian prostitute with a heart of gold. They meet in Hong Kong, and when his ship sails she stows away in his stateroom. For the rest of the show the principals spiel some of the most hilariously awful dialogue the screen has presented since sound tracks replaced title cards. Items: "Common harlot! Are you trying to ruin my career?" "You won't believe me when I tell you that this is the first real happiness I've known."

Countess is bad enough to make a new generation of moviegoers wonder what the Chaplin cult was all about. It serves as a melancholy reminder that an important part of being a champ is knowing when to retire.