Essay: Celebrities in Politics: a Cure

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Now that inflation -- too many dollars chasing too few goods -- has been all but licked, we have a new problem: too many celebrities chasing too few political opportunities. Writer Mickey Kaus calls the celebrity-politics plague "celebritics." Not the old-fashioned type, where celebrities are bused in by the gross to glitz up a rally or other political event. But the new type, where the celebrity is the political event.

As, say, in Hands Across America, a 4,000-mile chain of hand-holding Americans planned for May 25 and supported by nearly 1,000 celebrities. "The largest number of celebrities ever assembled," says the proud promoter. Prince, we are told, has "bought" Mile 1. Walter Payton has a mile of his own. And Oprah Winfrey has declared, "My mile will be for people who can't * afford the $10 (standing fee). No rich people in my mile." Ah, the little people.

As, for another example, in the Great Peace March, a walk for nuclear disarmament from Los Angeles to Washington, kicked off by a star-studded concert in the Los Angeles Coliseum. Endorsements by Madonna and Rosanna Arquette (Desperately Seeking Negotiation?) proved not quite enough, however. Celebritics requires sustained star power. In part because of celebrity no- shows, the Great Peace March took a wobble last month at Mile 120, in the Mojave Desert. Its chief sponsor collapsed in bankruptcy. But several hundred survivors declared themselves ready to carry on as soon as they could get essential supplies, including, says Spokeswoman Lisa Bell, throat lozenges, cough syrup, herbal teas, vitamins and honey-dried fruits. Eastward ho!

More traditional, though by now epidemic, is the celebrity candidate. In 1986 alone, there will be one Love Boat star, two Kennedys and a perfect-game pitcher (Jim Bunning, Philadelphia Phillies vs. New York Mets, June 21, 1964) running for Congress. Clint Eastwood ran for mayor of Carmel-by-the-Sea, Calif. (1 sq. mi., no street addresses, 67 art galleries, 40 jewelry stores) and won in a walk. And there have been near misses: in the past year, we have come close to seeing Harry Belafonte run for the Senate in New York, and Charlton Heston and Fess Parker (Davy Crockett, to you and me) run for the Senate in California. (That would make for a certain symmetry, since the other California seat was once held by Song-and-Dance Man George Murphy.)

A presidential preference poll taken in February among Democrats had Lee Iacocca, autobiographer and star of a popular TV commercial, coming in third -- and he's a registered Republican! No matter. He is, as the pundits used to say, "presidential timber." Only now one says he has "star quality," what the French might call that mysterious "je ne sais quoi." Or, as Woody Allen once put it, that "je ne peux pas." Peter Ueberroth certainly has it. It is only a matter of time before he declares for something or other. Does he belong to a party? Who knows? Who cares? He is made in the U.S.A. That's enough.

Here's the problem. On the one hand, the glut of celebrities in politics makes it unfair for competitors. Little Joe Kennedy is going to wipe out some very worthy opposition in the race for Tip O'Neill's seat. As was once said of Uncle Ted, if his name had been Edward Moore instead of Edward Moore Kennedy, he'd be at the back of the pack.