Sexes: The Cost of Kissing and Not Telling

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Like many lovers, Martin, the electrical worker, kept his infection a secret, which he came to regret after ending his relationship with Debbie (not her real name), a secretary in her early 30s. He met Debbie in June 1985, and their affair was idyllic until early August, when she broke out in painful blisters around her vagina. After that, says Debbie, "the relationship deteriorated, and by Labor Day he dumped me and left me alone with a case of herpes."

Angered by being "treated very badly," Debbie contacted Manhattan Lawyer Steven Harris. The attorney established that Martin, who had little money, was covered by a homeowner's insurance policy, making it possible to collect on a judgment. At his deposition, Martin admitted that he had not told Debbie about his infection. This March, Debbie and Martin agreed to a settlement of $119,052, to be paid by the insurance company.

The insurance industry, unhappy about getting into the bedroom business, began changing homeowner policies three years ago to exclude claims for sexually transmitted diseases. While this could have a dampening effect on some new cases, many previously filed suits are moving through the courts. In Minnesota, Lawyer Stewart Perry, who jokingly calls himself the herpes king, has ten cases pending, seven brought by women.

Perry says he warns clients to expect questions about their sexual past from lawyers. Those who insist on going ahead, he adds, share one characteristic: fury. "They are so angry," says Perry. "One woman told me, 'At least in a rape, once it's done, it's done. But this goes on forever.' " That indignation is shared by a 26-year-old Chicago interior designer, who is suing her former lover in Cook County Circuit Court. Despite the potential publicity and embarrassment, she says, "I started this, and I'm going to finish it."

Litigants may have more difficulty in proving their cases when the disease is AIDS because of the time lag between exposure to the virus and development of the disease. Experts estimate this to be an average of four years. (The herpes incubation period is often two weeks or less.)

That has not discouraged Marc Christian, 33, from filing an $11 million suit against the estate of his lover Rock Hudson, the movie star who died from AIDS complications in 1985, and against Hudson's personal secretary, Mark Miller. Christian alleges in his Los Angeles County Superior Court suit that Hudson did not tell him he had AIDS. As a result, says Marvin Mitchelson, the nation's best-known palimony lawyer, his client Christian "lives in constant fear" of getting the disease. The case, declares Mitchelson, is really not so unusual. "It is akin to someone coming into your house and falling through a trapdoor."