The Year of Dining Dangerously

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THE MOST AMAZING GRACE For the new diet religion, a new way to say grace before meals. Before beginning to eat, devout dieters ask indulgence of those at their table for the caloric sins they are about to commit, specifying both their diets and their self-imposed penances. Some samples overheard in restaurants across the country this year: "I'm on Pritikin, but not for lunch"; "I'm on Fit for Life, but I'll have bacon and eggs for breakfast and fruit the rest of the week"; "I didn't eat anything this morning (or yesterday), so I can splurge now"; "I will not eat anything tonight (or tomorrow), so please pass the bread and butter"; "I skipped meat because I want dessert."

LEAST NECESSARY COOKBOOK Think of all the hideous food you have had in airplanes and along highways, then wonder why you would want recipes for such fare. Nonetheless, the Marriott Hot Shoppes Cookbook provides exactly that, honoring this institutional caterer's 60th anniversary. With alarming candor, the book advocates oleo for almost everything, flour in chicken soup, cornstarch and mayonnaise in quiche, and the kind of gravy that gives gravy a bad name. For good measure, the edges of the book's pages are artificially yellowed for that homey touch of age.

MOST POINTLESS IMPROVEMENT With the senses of taste and smell being so mutually dependent, why would anyone choose to eat odorless garlic? Yet Dr. Saiki's Garlic, developed in Japan, will be available in East Coast test markets by February. A spokesman promises that this processed garlic, soaked and then dried, has the characteristic odor before it is eaten but not after, thereby eliminating half the pleasure of the true garlic lover.

MOST BURNING QUESTION If the October market crash marks the end of yuppiedom, what will happen to the restaurants yuppies frequented? Will they have to add acoustical tile to cut down noise? Will their chefs have to learn to cook? Will actor-waiters have to act like waiters? Stay tuned.