Britain: Have a Nice Day, Luv

Losing a war against impudent American colonists was bad enough, but now this! The Americans are invading Britain to teach her majesty's civil servants to be more civil. California's Sterling Consulting Group has been hired to give 900 employees of the government's Export Credits Guarantee Department lessons on how to be nice to their customers by using, among other things, a pleasant tone of voice and careful choice of words. "We don't give smile training, or teach people how to say 'Have a nice day!' " says Consultant Karen Dunn.

Many Britons seem prepared to accept that British manners, a tradition no less dear than the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace, are in decline. What roils some Brits is that Americans are giving the advice. Harrumphed a commentator in the Daily Mail: "Surely it is the depth of bureaucratic rudeness to imply there is not a single native of these shores capable of inculcating patience and good manners."