Grays on The Go

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That view is supported by opinion polls, which reveal that most children are grateful for Social Security because it relieves them of some of the responsibility for taking care of their elders. Some, but not all. Financial responsibility is only one of several kinds, and perhaps not the most burdensome. An ailing parent, even in a distant city, can take an emotional toll on adult children. In many cases the parent may be living in the same town -- or the same house. Already, says Fordham's Marjorie Cantor, former president of the Gerontological Society, "the family is the major source of support for the elderly. And there is no indication in the future that families will abandon them." The notion of an age war rings false with many experts who work with both the elderly and their children. "Adult children spend a lot of time caring; they make a lot of personal sacrifices," says Dr. Carl Eisdorfer of the University of Miami. The support goes both ways. In fact private transfers of money and assets within families are just as likely, if not more likely to take place from old to young. "The traditional generosity of grandparents," says Author Lydia Bronte, formerly of the Carnegie Corporation, "now takes the form of helping with college tuition, down payment on a house, furniture -- not just a check every Christmas."

So how will America adjust to its growing pains? It is possible that advances in science, steady economic growth, better education and some courageous and creative politics will allow the nation to mature gracefully. The signs of interdependence and cooperation encourage policymakers, who agree that a family is a far better source of compassion than a federal agency, however well funded. With that in mind, some politicians are urging that Congress consider tax breaks for families responsible for the care of an elderly parent. Others are lobbying for a broader national health plan that would provide care for the young and old alike.

Corporations too are looking for ways to support workers who are burdened by care-giving obligations. Such benefits, they expect, will raise productivity, reduce absenteeism and allow them to hang on to valued employees who might otherwise quit. Travelers Corp. has offered lunchtime support groups, flextime hours and an information fair for employees to meet with social service experts. PepsiCo provides seminars and a handbook on care of the elderly. Remington Products Inc., of Bridgeport, Conn., pays half the cost of parent sitters who can take over for employees on evenings and weekends.

Within many schools and communities, leaders are exploring ways to bring together retirees with skills and time to spare and young people in need of training and guidance. With the encouragement of the First Lady, the Foster Grandparent program is expanding rapidly. The assumption that one generation can serve as a resource rather than a rival to another, most advocates on both sides would agree, holds far more promise than any call to arms.

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CREDIT: TIME CHART BY JOE LERTOLA

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DESCRIPTION: Population over 65 by age group, life expectancy by sex and race, spending on pensions and health care as percentage of GNP, 1950 and 1985, with projection for 2020; color illustration: man sitting in rocking chair and man running.