Of Cows, Scuds and Scotch: P. J. O'ROURKE

No wonder P.J. O'Rourke loves being a writer. He can sleep late. There's no heavy lifting. And, unlike being a shortstop, he quips, writing is a lifelong occupation. Still, he never imagined he would have to play Cupid to a cow.

But George, his neighbor in New Hampshire, needed some help getting his heifer in the family way. So, while O'Rourke grabbed the cow's head and George hugged the middle, a farmer named Pete proceeded with the artificial insemination at the far end. Though he missed most of the intimate details, O'Rourke recalls one thing: "I will never forget the look...