An Appointment with DR. DEATH

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SINCE THE NIGHT HE WAS SHOT IN THE back, Gary has come to know a great many doctors. The surgeons could not get all the pieces of the bullet out of his spine. The neurologists could not reverse the paralysis, which locked his body in place from the neck down. The pain specialists, chiropractors and acupuncturists could not relieve the agony. If you were to go into the intensive-care unit and take the sickest patient you could find who was dying, that was my condition. Anything that could go wrong did. I was in constant pain most of the time.

When he finally came home after nine months in the hospital, his social worker was at a loss to restore peace to the one part of his body that still worked perfectly: the brain trapped in the body lodged in the wheelchair. I ! require total care. I can't feed myself, I can't drive, I can't dress myself, I can't go to the bathroom by myself. I need someone to brush my teeth for me. I need someone to get me out of bed. I need someone to open the mail for me. I am always in some degree of pain or discomfort.

Gary had worked as a crisis counselor, but that expertise was more a source of irony than comfort. He had lived an active Los Angeles life, liked running, was looking forward to settling down. I was ready to find someone and fall in love. All the pieces in my life were in place. All the pieces had now fallen apart, and no amount of psychotherapy could stick him back together again. Realistically, there is no cure, and this type of life is not acceptable to me.

So after five years of fighting, Gary went looking for one more doctor, the one he had heard about on television and read about in the papers. He followed the case of Janet Adkins and supported both her decision and Dr. Kevorkian's role. Last April, when he finally reached Kevorkian, they spoke very briefly. Kevorkian asked that he write a letter explaining his situation, which Gary did, very, very slowly. I'm able on a computer with one hand and arm to touch one button at a time. I wrote the letter and addressed it. He wrote back to me. He was very sympathetic and felt a genuine sorrow for what had happened to me.

In his letter to Gary, Kevorkian outlined the conditions of his "service." "First, I can help patients only in southeastern Michigan; and you have already stated willingness to travel. Second, the service cannot be performed in any rented facility because of potential legal difficulties. I'm sure you can understand the reason for this. Therefore, I must ask if you have any relative or friends in this area who could make a privately-owned domicile available for your use." He asked for Gary's medical history and for permission to contact his doctor. "I sympathize with your sad situation and wish that circumstances were such that the above obstacles would never be a factor in helping people like you. Best wishes, Jack Kevorkian, M.D."