First, Kiss All the Lawyers

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Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey the most toxic- waste dumps?

A. Because New Jersey had first choice.

Gags like this get Michael Scanlon Jr. fighting mad. The American Bar Association's new $170,000-a-year image consultant has heard just about every snide lawyer joke making the rounds -- and he is not amused. "Some cross the line from humor into bashing," he says. "And when something does cross the line, we have a right to speak out." Indeed, the A.B.A. has started a campaign to improve the popular image, so to speak, of lawyers. It's not going to be easy -- in the world's most litigious society, lawyer bashing has become a beloved pastime.

Among his battles, Scanlon has locked horns with Tonight show host Jay Leno, who considers lawyers prime fodder for his monologues. Scanlon claims Leno has "apologized" after the image consultant called to complain. But Leno won't admit to taking back any flak. When asked about the lawyer-boosting campaign, Leno chortled, "I can't say anything until I speak to my attorney! I mean, come on. We're not advocating violence or the overthrow of the judicial system, we're just telling silly jokes."

The vitriol, however, is sure to be a topic of anxious discussion when thousands of America's lawyers convene this week in New York City for the A.B.A.'s annual meeting. And they're not being oversensitive, either. A poll published by the National Law Journal last week concluded that "resentment of lawyers -- ranging from lawyer-bashing jokes to outright vilification -- is running at a fever pitch." Seventy-three percent of the 815 Americans polled believe that there are too many lawyers. Only 5% said they would recommend law as a profession to their children. Concedes incoming A.B.A. president R. William Ide III: "We're sort of getting kicked in the shins."

At the very least. While lawyers have always been targets because of their power and prosperity, this summer has brought a bumper crop of negative images. Audiences at Jurassic Park are roaring with approval as a Tyrannosaurus rex makes a meal of a lawyer sitting on a privy. Tom Cruise takes his life in his hands when he joins The Firm, where the partners cook the books for the Mafia. A TV advertisement sings the praises of planet Reebok, where there are no lawyers.

Real-life attorneys grew more outspoken about the demonizing of lawyers after eight people at a San Francisco law firm were shot by an angry client last month. Harvey Saferstein, president of the California Bar Association, pressed for a "cease-fire" on lawyer bashing, characterizing it as a form of "hate speech." At least one advertiser felt the heat and backed down. Miller Lite decided to yank an ad showing cowboys roping divorce lawyers at a rodeo. But the enmity runs deep in the culture: after Saferstein spoke out publicly against such bashing, he received a slew of derisive calls at his office, leading his partners to beef up security.

Most people vent their annoyance simply by making lawyers the laughingstock of the white-collar class. Long after jokes about minorities have become socially unacceptable, mockery of lawyers remains a safe prejudice. Sample: What do lawyers and sperm have in common? Both have a one-in-a-million chance of turning out human. Another: Why did the post office recall its lawyer stamp? Answer: Because people didn't know which side to spit on.