Hello, I Must Be Going

• Share

(2 of 3)

Then it was on to Bulgaria, at the invitation of his "European economic adviser," Svetoslav Stoilov, a friend whose qualifications include working as a magician's assistant at home in Bulgaria, as a circus technician in Czechoslovakia and as a dance-bar proprietor in Vienna. Following a night's rest in Stoilov's hometown of Sandanska, the Russian politician traveled to the village of Melnik to accept a painting from a local artist who shares Zhirinovsky's conviction that Bulgaria should expand its territory by annexing the former Yugoslav republic of Macedonia. To make sure the message got across, he restated this theory for a Sofia newspaper.

Having thus tossed a lighted match onto one of the most combustible political issues in all of Greece, Zhirinovsky could hardly have been surprised when he was detained by Greek border police on Monday while attempting to pay a cross-border visit without benefit of his passport. The ensuing delay cost him an appointment back in Bulgaria with "Baba Vanga," an octogenarian grandmother who is Bulgaria's most famous clairvoyant. She later assured him by phone that he would have "a very good January."

By Tuesday, he had bulldozed his way to Bulgaria's capital, Sofia, arriving in sunglasses, a fisherman's hat and a white trenchcoat. There, the visiting Russian announced that neighboring Romania was, in his view, an artificial state created by Italian gypsies who seized territory from Russia, Bulgaria and Hungary. Outraged, the Romanian Foreign Minister summoned Russia's ambassador in Bucharest to protest "the most insulting statement ever made about Romania," no mean achievement. Turning his attention to his host country, Zhirinovsky went on to declare that Zhelyu Zhelev, Bulgaria's first democratically elected President, should be replaced and that if it were up to Zhirinovsky, Zhelev would be sent to Siberia. As an alternative, he introduced his own choice as "the best person to lead Bulgaria" -- none other than his good friend Stoilov.

That proved too much for Zhelev, who retorted that the Russian government should consider conducting mental-health tests before allowing future candidates to run for parliament. By late afternoon, Zhirinovsky was told he had 24 hours to leave the country. He complied -- but not before promising to someday "return as President," presumably of Russia. His intended holiday finale was to have been an 18-day stay in Berlin. But the Zhirinovsky grand tour ground to a premature halt when German Foreign Minister Klaus Kinkel turned down his request for a visa, informing him that he was no longer welcome.

Running short on both patience and options, he returned to Moscow, where vote tallies revealed that his Liberal Democrats will control nearly 15% of the seats in the lower house of the new parliament, enough to make them a constant thorn in the side of Yeltsin's democratic supporters. While the international rebuffs may be a sign that Zhirinovsky may find it difficult to use other countries as soapboxes for airing his incendiary views, the most his trip seems to have provoked at home is a hilarious set of lampoons by Moscow's most popular comedian, Gennadi Khazanov, who draws great guffaws with his impersonations of "Vladimir Volfovich."