XFL's Fast-Mouth Football

"Don't tell the magazine that," interjects kicker Paul McCallum.

Replies Clement: "None of our fans read TIME. They read Harley-Davidson magazine."

Clement had a good game, as the Outlaws creamed N.Y./N.J. 19-0 in Saturday's opener. But it wasn't pretty. The players needed stickum, and the TV production was clumsy. Worst of all, the XFL didn't have any off-field story to tell. As for miking the players, it quickly became clear why no one has ever tried this before. Listening to running back Rod Smart try to explain why the name on the back of his jersey read HE HATE ME made one long for a Bush campaign speech.

Even if the XFL fails, it will undoubtedly do a favor for pro sports. Given that the Super Bowl halftime show got better ratings than the game itself, the NFL will be thrilled to have a new league do some experimenting for it. "If they're smart, they'll steal a lot of it," says Linda McMahon, Vince's wife and business partner. "We're putting a brand-new product out. If a guy gets his tooth knocked out, you're going to see it." Those two must have had some first date.

The XFL was so concerned about the mediocrity on the field that all scrimmages were held under secret conditions--no fans, no press. The only ones invited were the Las Vegas odds makers, lured by the prospect that on-air commentator and sometime Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura would discuss betting lines to goose the action. Still, says John Avello, director of race and sports book for Bally's and Paris hotels: "The amount of money we'll make on this is minimal. Probably like a hockey game. Nah, better than hockey. Like a good, solid baseball game. After all, it is football."