PLAYING HARD TO GET

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Rule 5: Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls

Men have not figured it out yet, but a telecommunications revolution is sweeping America. They leave a woman a message; she does not call back. They send her roses; there is no thank-you call. They flirtatiously hand a woman a business card and say, "Give me a ring--we'll have lunch." The ploy used to work, but now the phone sits silent.

The era that has resurrected Jane Austen and girdles seems to have spawned a new sort of woman--someone who doesn't call herself a woman at all but a Rules Girl. A Rules Girl is "a creature unlike any other." A Rules Girl knows better than to ask a man out--or even talk to a man first; she is "easy to be with" but hard to get because she is very, very busy. Three decades after Helen Gurley Brown's classic Sex and the Single Girl offered women the heady advice that men are "cheaper emotionally and a lot more fun by the dozen," all that solo flying seems to be less than thrilling. That must be why self-help books on dating have at last evolved into The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Warner Books; $5.99).

This teeny little paperback, complete with a diamond ring on its cover, has become a word-of-mouth hit, selling 50,000 copies in the past month alone; 235,000 copies have been shipped to stores since its publication in early 1995. But The Rules is not just a book; it's a movement. Around the country, Rules Girls are spontaneously forming themselves into support groups. They are paying $45 a pop to attend Rules seminars and forking over $250 an hour for phone consultations with authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider--neither of whom is a credentialed anything. In Hollywood, where last week the book hit No. 1 on the Los Angeles Times paperback best-seller list, producer Wendy Finerman (Forrest Gump) has optioned movie rights to The Rules for $250,000.

Laurence Kirshbaum, CEO of Warner Books, admits that at first he could not believe women in the '90s would want this book: "My reaction to it is one of great sadness," he says, "in that if this is what relations between the sexes have come down to, I think we're in trouble." Kirshbaum is weeping all the way to the bank: Rules II is already under way.

Rule 17: Let Him Take the Lead

Fein and Schneider, who whip out pictures of their husbands within seconds of meeting a reporter, preached the Rules to friends for years before deciding to write them down. Their thesis is a simple one, familiar to evolutionary scientists (and most women with mothers of a certain age): men are hunters who thrill to the chase. In recent years, the authors claim, women have made the game too easy. "Feminism," explains Schneider, "has not changed men."

Fein and Schneider have clearly hit a nerve among women like Kathy, a thirtyish Hollywood movie producer, who says, "The results of the Rules are wonderful. You need a series of behaviors that are kind of consistent." That need explains why women showed up at a recent Rules seminar in New York City to ask the authors such questions as, "If I'm in a long-distance relationship, how long am I allowed to stay on the phone with the man?" The tough-love answer: 10 minutes.

Rule 20: Be Honest but Mysterious