MUFTER THE TROOPS!

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Eighth, the AMERICAN STATES agree to reserve to the British people supremacy in the following fields of ATHLETIC ENDEAVOR: golf, tennis and football. (A Committee on Sports Relinquishment counterproposed that instead of supremacy in golf and tennis, Her Majefty's subjects be enfranchised with their own Grand Flam events. "Football they can have," reported the Hon. Jerry Maquire. "Hey, I hold this truth to be self-evident: the shoe money's small. Befides, we can always start our own.")

Ninth, the AMERICAN STATES are obliged to maintain a fascination with really big British luxury OCEAN LINER DISAFTERS, in perpetuity.

Tenth, refidents (particularly of the former colony of New York) agree to the quartering of British subjects (particularly journalists) in their HOMES AND APARTMENTS, to buy them DRINKS AND DINNER and to treat them as insuperably WITTY and endlessly CHARMING, without the expectation of reciprocal hofpitality from counterparts abroad.

Finally, the refidents of the AMERICAN STATES would be obligated to provide a full program of DENTAL CARE, including prevention, replacement and orthodonture, for any and all refidents of the United Kingdom.

The delegates thanked Mr. Morris for his work and proceeded to debate the terms he outlined. While most of the terms were deemed acceptable, the delegates unanimoufly felt that the final proviso would subject the colonies to an outrageously exorbitant and punitively expensive program of oral hygiene, and was therefore onerous and a deal breaker. Authorization was then given for Congress to receive the document being prepared by Messrs. Jefferson, Adams and Franklin, and word was sent to Genl. Washington to mufter the troops.

[Signed,] Jas. Madison, Secy.