Handicapping Iron Mike

It isn't Mecca and it isn't Lourdes, but Las Vegas is right up there among the holiest places in the world. In our hearts, we want to take foolish risks, pile food on our plates, dress like proles and shamelessly applaud lion tamers and dancing girls. Our lives are lies until we make the pilgrimage to Vegas and cleanse our souls.

New Jersey wants to be Las Vegas, but it falls short. Mike Tyson can tell you that. Kicked out of boxing for munching Evander Holyfield's ear in a prizefight at the MGM Grand on June 28, 1997, he asked forgiveness in New Jersey earlier this summer, but the devil entered him and cussed like a sailor.

Then last week Iron Mike was involved in a three-car fender bender in Maryland that allegedly turned into a scuffle. Now imagine the poor blokes in the other cars who see Mike Tyson bulling out of a car driven by his wife. Do you cover your ears? Do you run for the hills? Montgomery County police say two second-degree assault charges were filed against Tyson after he allegedly threw a punch at Abmielec Saucedo, 62, despite a bodyguard's efforts to restrain him, and then went to the other car and kicked Richard Hardick, 50, in the groin.

Good lord. He bites, he bullies a near pensioner, he kicks in the worst possible place. This may be a dangerous thing to say, but what a sissy.

Alleged sissy. Tyson denied the charges through an attorney and has an Oct. 2 court date to explain himself.

But first, on Sept. 19, he will make the holy trek. He will seek salvation in Las Vegas. The fallen former heavyweight champ is scheduled to ask the Nevada Athletic Commission to reinstate his boxing license. It's the fight of his life, not counting his 1992 rape conviction, and if a random sampling of gamblers is any indication, he's going to win. Henry Beste, 41, an actor who lives here, explained it in two words: "It's Vegas."

"It's big money," said Theron Turner, 28, an account rep for a Los Angeles payroll service.

Beste and Turner were checking the lines at the MGM sports-book center. If two rats race across a street in New York City, Vegas has a line on it. But strangely, there are no odds on Tyson's chances for reinstatement.

"I'd say 7 to 1," Turner said. And he'd lay money on Tyson, despite Mike's Maryland adventure.

It might not be a bad bet. It is boxing, after all, which is nearly as dirty a sport as politics. If Tyson was allowed to fight despite a rape conviction, how long can the commission ban him for mere biting and carrying on? Just put him in the ring and let Marv Albert call the fight.

"I want to hear what he did in the past year to rehabilitate himself, and I want him to reassure me [biting and other bad behavior] won't happen again," said commission chairman Elias Ghanem.

Former heavyweight champ Joe Frazier says Tyson calls him and claims he wants to straighten out his life. "But then he goes and gets the crazies again. [If I were Tyson] I would kiss the ground to get my license back."

It's not as if Tyson hasn't made an effort. He did host a picnic for 300 kids and didn't beat up any of them. He also slapped a $100 million lawsuit on former handler Don King for alleged mismanagement, which has to win him brownie points. To establish his growth potential, he served as an honorary referee at a pro wrestling match.