Interview: Monica Lewinsky Up Close

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TIME: Do you feel any remorse?

Lewinsky: I feel horrible about what has happened. I heard some of the criticisms, that some people felt I wasn't remorseful enough or that I enjoyed this. I'm sure people would probably want me to say I feel the worst for what this has done to the country, and then for the Clintons and then for my family and then for myself. But it's really not that order.

I really feel the worst about what this has done to my family and friends. And then I think second to that would be Chelsea and Mrs. Clinton, and I do feel bad about my part in how the country has had to deal with this. I made a lot of mistakes. I mean, that's probably a bipartisan issue. Everybody in the world would agree on that.

TIME: If you had to do it again, what would you do differently?

Lewinsky: There are some days that I regret ever having had this relationship begin, and there are some days that I just regret telling Linda Tripp. It's easy to know that people would have wanted to hear me say I wish this had never happened, I never should have done this, this was so wrong, and I do think it was wrong. But it is also a part of who I am today, and that relationship reflected who I was at the time and was very significant to me. I can respect people not being happy with that.

TIME: What part do you think you're responsible for?

Lewinsky: I didn't have the maturity to realize exactly how serious this was. Although some people may find this hard to believe, me actually only telling 10 people was being pretty discreet for me.

But I still feel horrible about how indiscreet I was. That was a real betrayal. I betrayed the President in that way. I didn't have the foresight to see what the possible ramifications of this could be. But I also always thought to myself, [the] worst-case scenario was [if] one of these people in whom I confided--aside from Linda Tripp--turned on me. Where would they turn on me? They'd go to the press. What would I do? I'd make a statement and say this is not true. And that's not illegal.

So it's not that I don't take it seriously. It's that it's so overwhelming. I said to someone last weekend that I got into trouble because I didn't stop talking about the relationship, and now my punishment is that I have to keep talking about it.

TIME: You said you thought you'd done some things that were wrong. Did you mean they were wrong because they were bad or wrong because they turned out badly?

Lewinsky: Both. And I don't really mean to be ambivalent on this. I'm being honest. And then there are some days that I think I will never have an affair with a married man again, in large part because of how much pain it causes everybody involved. But a larger part of that is because of how damaging it is for me. And it is morally wrong. And I accept and I respect that it's more morally wrong to some people than it has been for me. But I will never do it again.

TIME: So to you, was the entire past year just about a broken heart? Or was it about history?