Interview: Monica Lewinsky Up Close

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Lewinsky: I'm not going to pretend that it was always about something bigger than me. Because, for me, it wasn't. For me, I was the one lying awake at night crying, scared I was going to go to jail. I was the one being followed. I was the one being torn apart in the press, and my family. And then, yes, I bore some responsibility for how that came about. But I don't know that the punishment fit the crime.

TIME: When you showed him your thong, what were you thinking?

Lewinsky: It was very subtle. If you put your hands on your waist and you locked your thumbs under your short jacket and just sort of lifted it, about two inches, it was a tease. And it was part of the flirtation.

TIME: Do you regret it now?

Lewinsky: Umm [pause], probably more than not.

TIME: You've never tried that move before?

Lewinsky: I've done other flirtatious things. It was inappropriate. It was definitely inappropriate. And the way he was flirting with me was inappropriate. So I think was the eye contact. And the way he looks at women he's attracted to. He undresses you with his eyes. And it is slow, from the bottom of your toes to the top of your head back down to your toes again. And it's an intense look. He loses his smile. His sexual energy kind of comes over his eyes, and it's very animalistic. And if you're someone who is comfortable with your sensuality, you're in touch with that, you're receptive to it if you find that person attractive.

TIME: So you intuitively knew he might respond?

Lewinsky: Well, I think it was very clear. I mean, don't you know when someone is flirting with you? You know. People know.

TIME: The fact that he was married and you'd had an affair with a married man before, did that make it easier? Or was that not even a factor?

Lewinsky: Much easier. In fact, had I not had the prior relationship with Andy [Bleiler], I doubt this would have happened with the President.

TIME: He tried to stop it. Did you ever try to stop it?

Lewinsky: No.

TIME: Apart from the sex, what was the bond?

Lewinsky: I think it was a bond that in some ways can't be explained. I don't know how to explain it, except that I was instantly comfortable with him. There was something familiar about him to me. I think it's amazing when someone will come into your life and you have a special connection with them. I know he had remarked to me that we both had fire in our belly. And to me that's passionate. And passion has its good side, and passion has its bad side. And I think that we're both extroverted but at the same time harbor a very sad side that we keep very private.

He has an amazing ability to just read someone. And he said to me, "You walk around and you're always smiling and so bubbly, and there's so much sadness and pain behind those eyes." I think he saw in me some reflections of himself. Not 100%. Clearly not as brilliant as he is.

TIME: What do you think his sadness is?