Why I Hate Dogs

I love children, flowers and Touched By An Angel. I once even sent cards to my grandmothers for that fake Grandparents Day holiday. That's not going to happen again. But no matter how much I want to be a normal, manly, overconsuming American, I can't get myself to like dogs. I don't want to hate dogs. But I just can't imagine sharing my apartment with some dirty, dependent animal willing to trade unconditional love for canned food that, to be honest, I find a little salty. How can people love something so much that they're willing to walk behind it and...