Hello Mother, Hello Father

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Sleepaway camp used to be a prolonged gym class with dirtier clothes. The options were basically fat camp or regular. But now there are choices, some odder than others. A cross section of this summer's getaways:

CAMP HUMMER CAMP (1) (Southern Utah)

AGES 13-18

BLURB "You can learn to drive a Hummer (no license required!)"

ACTIVITIES GPS navigation, basic car mechanics, paintball with night-vision scopes

EXTRA BONUS Steven Spielberg's son is enrolled and, for the first time, a girl

MATHCAMP (2) (Seattle, Wash.)

[AGES] 13-18

[BLURB] "Explore advanced mathematical concepts"

[ACTIVITIES] Fun with geometric transformations, and Godel's incompleteness theorem

[EXTRA BONUS] Campers will visit Microsoft and Boeing on off days

TWIRLING CAMP (Knoxville, Tenn.)

[AGES] 6-17

[BLURB] "Smile, sparkle, and sell it!"

[ACTIVITIES] Bodywork, aerials, twirling with fire and "fancy strut"

[EXTRA BONUS] Instructor holds world record for most turns under a tossed baton (10)

MODEL CAMP (3) (Logan, Utah)

[AGES] 10-18

[BLURB] "...learn about the fascinating world of modeling"

[ACTIVITIES] Workshops on "runway" and "character development"

[EXTRA BONUS] Conventional good looks not required

BUSCH GARDENS "Zoo Camp" (4) (Tampa Bay, Fla.)

[AGES] 12-18

[BLURB] "Firsthand exposure in a world-class animal-oriented setting"

[ACTIVITIES] Feed animals, monitor growth rates, record behaviors, clean habitats

[EXTRA BONUS] Animal-to-camper ratio is 10:1

CAMP MOM (5) (Wrightwood, Calif.)

[AGES] 20s-80s

[BLURB] "No Kids! No Men! No Makeup! No Stress! No Cooking!"

[ACTIVITIES] Water aerobics, kickboxing, "feminars" on decorating and time management

[EXTRA BONUS] Saturday-night skits can be "adult themed," no PBJ on menu