His Journey

As a child, I spent a lot of time in Norbulingka, the Dalai Lama's summer palace in Lhasa. It was very pleasant there, and I was very happy. I remember everything was fresh, calm and peaceful. There were lots of flowers. But when I remember these things, it makes me very sad to realize that it has all changed. Even if I were to return, all of that is permanently gone. It has been destroyed. Older Tibetans used to say that the communists were destroyers of dharma (divine law). Perhaps, in the end, they were right.

I was very young when I first heard the word communist. The 13th Dalai Lama had left a testament that I read. Also, some of the monks who were helping my studies had been in monasteries with Mongolians. They had talked about the destruction that had taken place since the communists came to Mongolia. We did not know anything about Marxist ideology. But we all feared destruction and thought of communists with terror. It was only when I went to China in 1954-55 that I actually studied Marxist ideology and learned the history of the Chinese revolution. Once I understood Marxism, my attitude changed completely. I was so attracted to Marxism, I even expressed my wish to become a Communist Party member.

Tibet at that time was very, very backward. The ruling class did not seem to care, and there was much inequality. Marxism talked about an equal and just distribution of wealth. I was very much in favor of this. Then there was the concept of self-creation. Marxism talked about self-reliance, without depending on a creator or a God. That was very attractive. I had tried to do some things for my people, but I did not have enough time. I still think that if a genuine communist movement had come to Tibet, there would have been much benefit to the people.

Instead, the Chinese communists brought Tibet a so-called liberation. These people were not implementing true Marxist policy. If they had been, national boundaries would not be important to them. They would have worried about helping humanity. Instead, the Chinese communists carried out aggression and suppression in Tibet. Whenever there was opposition, it was simply crushed. They started destroying monasteries and killing and arresting lamas.

In the beginning, I had hoped that we could still find a peaceful solution. I even went to China to meet Chairman Mao. We had several good meetings. In 1955, as I was returning from China, I met a Chinese gentleman along the way. He was returning from Tibet. I recall telling him sincerely, "While I was coming on this road to China, I was full of suspicion. Now I am coming back, full of hope." But soon that disappeared.

Until the summer of 1956, the Chinese had some level of trust in me. Then I had the opportunity to visit India to take part in the Buddha Jayanti ceremony to celebrate the Buddha's birthday. I wanted to visit the sacred land of Buddhism, but the Chinese authorities were against my leaving Tibet. I decided to go anyway. In India, I met many of the country's leaders and freedom fighters. I was very happy. But in one way, I think, that visit spoiled my good relations with China.