Half-Retired

Betty Polston and her husband Bernie were finishing dinner at their kitchen table one night in 1990 when Bernie announced that after 30 years, he was retiring from his law practice. Betty's reaction was physical: her throat tightened and her stomach churned. "I knew that financially we'd be fine," Betty says. "But that didn't mean I was ready for my husband--Bernie the Attorney--to retire. He didn't have any hobbies. He's very laid back. I had visions of him napping, reading newspapers and lying around the patio for the rest of his life."

In addition to the knowledge she'd gleaned from 27 years of being Bernie's wife at that point, Betty had some extra insight into what his retirement might mean to their marriage. She's a psychotherapist who has been counseling couples for 25 years. She knew that not every couple is prepared for the growing phenomenon she and Bernie faced: the half-retired marriage.

In more marriages today than ever before, one partner, usually the wife, is working while her spouse has retired. Fifty-one percent of married women ages 55 to 64 were in the labor force last year, compared with 36% in 1980. "Unlike prior generations of retirees, in which the wife was most often a homemaker, today's couples have two retirements to think about," says Phyllis Moen, a psychologist conducting an ongoing study on retirement at Cornell University. According to Moen, when one person continues to work after the other retires, all kinds of issues can arise--from how much time to spend together and how to divide the housework to how to help the retired spouse find a new, non-work-related identity. And as couples live longer, the quality of their relationships becomes even more important, says therapist Polston. But while "everyone has a financial plan for retirement, and a health plan, no one bothers to make a relationship plan," she says. "We're going to live 20, 30, 40 more years in a retirement relationship. We'd better figure out how to do it."

...BUT NOT FOR LUNCH

After Guy Barton, 56, retired last year from his job as a public school administrator in Wappingers Falls, N.Y., he took some computer classes at a local college, brushed up on his cooking skills at the Culinary Institute of America and began golfing more regularly with friends. His wife Marge, 55, a fifth-grade teacher, won't be eligible to retire until next June.

"When [Guy] first decided to retire, I was concerned that he's a little too young," Marge says. "He's keeping busy, but it can get lonely." A lot of the Bartons' close friends have already retired and moved away, and Marge still has her full load of lessons to plan and papers to correct. "It's tough when I come home and have schoolwork to do and phone calls to make, and he's been puttering around most of the day and would like my attention," says Marge. For Guy's part, he's ready for his wife to retire. "We'd both really love to travel and see friends, and I can go at any time, but she can't just take a week off from school," Guy says. "I'm having an O.K. time now; my life is completely stress free. But it'll be a lot more fun when she's with me."