People: Dec. 27, 1999

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A CRYSTAL BALL

We the people don't ask for much--enough food, adequate shelter and a mildly entertaining Oscar-night show that gets us to bed before sunrise. Hollywood, in all its benevolence, is hard at work on granting us the latter. The producers of next year's Academy Awards show, husband-and-wife team Lili and Richard Zanuck, made a public plea this month to intermittent emcee BILLY CRYSTAL, who last year ceded the hosting duties to Whoopi Goldberg. "It's the one thing people agree on--they all want Billy," said Lili (kindly refraining from adding, "just not in any more of those City Slickers movies"). Heeding our quality-of-life needs, Crystal last week consented to the gig. The Zanucks, producing the show for the first time, have pledged to trim the numbingly protracted broadcast. High on their list of priorities: nixing the perennially misbegotten dance routines. Crystal, yes; dance numbers, no. They don't call Hollywood the dream factory for nothing.

THE HYPE OF FASHION

It won't be in stores until March, but the hottest dress of next season has already won friends in high-profile places. The python-print frock made its debut in Milan last September at Gucci's Spring/Summer 2000 show. Within days, Vanity Fair had secured a one-sleeved prototype to (almost) adorn CAMERON DIAZ in its current issue, and Brazilian model GISELLE showcases a version with a daring plunge on the cover of the latest Harper's Bazaar. The dress has been making the party rounds as well. A newly brunette GWYNETH PALTROW wore it to a gala for the Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute, and Heather Locklear had one made in pink to wear as host of the VH1 Fashion Awards. Befitting its stature, the dress has garnered its own urban legend: a sample was allegedly abducted en route from Gucci to the manufacturers. Could the new trend among the style conscious be to wear only gowns with a really colorful back story?

CAN THEY SNATCH VICTORY FROM THE JAWS OF DEFEAT?

Last week, after what it deemed an appropriate time out, NBC rehired Marv Albert as its lead NBA announcer for next season. How have infamous biters fared in their public rehabilitation?

MARV ALBERT

TRANSGRESSION Pleaded guilty to assault in September 1997 for biting an ex-lover

CONSEQUENCE Fired from NBC

REHABILITATION Rehired by NBC last week

TOTAL CAREER RECOVERY TIME A little more than two years

CHRISTIAN SLATER

[TRANSGRESSION] Charged with biting a man in the stomach in August 1997

[CONSEQUENCE] Three months in a minimum-security prison

[REHABILITATION] One movie and a Broadway role, both in fall 1998

[TOTAL CAREER RECOVERY TIME] 14 months

MIKE TYSON

[TRANSGRESSION] Bit off part of Evander Holyfield's ear in a June 1997 fight

[CONSEQUENCE] Barred from boxing and fined $3 million

[REHABILITATION] Reinstated in October 1998

[TOTAL CAREER RECOVERY TIME] Moot; he's still misbehaving

THE PIT BULL

[TRANSGRESSION] A rash of injurious biting incidents since the mid-1980s

[CONSEQUENCE] Many people fear the breed

[REHABILITATION] Ongoing attempts to prove it's cuddly

[TOTAL CAREER RECOVERY TIME] Still pending

PUTTING THE DATE IN DATELINE