The Love Machines

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Despite its sometimes traditional etiquette, online dating has a futuristic side. In a sense, it resembles an electronic trading floor specializing in emotional futures. And with millions of people seeking partners in cyberspace, submarkets have sprung up, appealing to specific religious backgrounds, age groups and sexual orientations (see accompanying story). Even better, online courtship saves time and energy by culling prospects in advance. If a man prefers, say, 6-ft., brunet Scorpios, he can make his tastes known up front, discouraging the advances of short, blond Leos. But no amount of screening can trump human chemistry. Grooving on instant messages doesn't mean two people will click in person. "You cannot assess information about another person without physical, nonverbal cues," says Dr. Reece Burka, a New Orleans psychologist. "A false sense of intimacy is created when interaction remains purely cognitive."

Like walking from Plato's cave into sunlight, the transition from e-mail to males and females interacting in person can be disorienting. Charles Frier, 50, an Atlanta attorney, used to frequent Compuserve's Jewish single forum. "I met an interesting woman online," Frier recalls, "but she lived quite far away. After I purchased an expensive nonrefundable ticket to visit her, she sent an e-mail canceling the meeting because she had met someone locally. Online relationships," an embittered Frier adds, "have no more guarantees than 3-D."

Carl, 47, a mechanical engineer from Chicago who asked to remain anonymous, probably wishes Frier's lament were true. Carl lost a wife six years ago to the third dimension of the chat rooms. After noting a suspicious number of messages on his home computer from the same sender, he retrieved his wife's deleted files and found romantic missives from a man two states away. A divorce ensued, and Carl's wife moved in with her new boyfriend (they later broke up). "Conversing on the Internet," Carl observes, "could totally ruin your life." Carl, however, now lives with a woman he wooed online.

Romance has always had its perils, though, and if the great masked ball of online dating sometimes breeds heartbreak when the masks come off, that's a risk millions seem prepared to take. Indeed, if the Net's emotional dance floor poses a challenge for the lovelorn, it is the sheer size of the crowds it attracts. "You wind up having the kid in the candy-store effect, with unlimited numbers of people to choose from," say Aaron Ahuvia, assistant professor of marketing at the University of Michigan. As marriages made by modem multiply, only time will tell if they're as lasting as the ones made in heaven.

--Reported by Jyl Benson/New Orleans, Laird Harrison/Oakland and Laura Koss-Feder/New York