SQUEAL FACTOR Perhaps the budget surplus is to blame for all the pet projects that were tacked on to the $288 billion defense bill after its Senate approval. Smart Trucks may well be worth $3.5 million. But, as protesters John McCain and Phil Gramm pointed out, some others smell a bit porky:

--$4 million to track California desert tortoise population

--$8.5 million for the Ernest Gallo alcohol research center

--$2.8 million to spruce up the office furniture at the Defense Language Institute

--$15 million to protect Revolutionary War boats at the bottom of Lake Champlain from invading zebra mussels

--$3.5 million on that most pressing of national security issues, artificial-hip research

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PAULA DEEN, Food Network chef, who was hit in the face by a ham while volunteering at an Atlanta food drive
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PAULA DEEN, Food Network chef, who was hit in the face by a ham while volunteering at an Atlanta food drive

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